I got dumped. By text.

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned how if I owned a food truck, it would be an ice-cream truck called Stone Cold Heart and I’d play empowering break up songs and sell delicious flavours like Don’t Be Sad Salted Caramel, You Deserve Better Strawberry, But I’m Lovely Lime and, what I suspect would be a best seller, He/She Was A Bit Crap in Bed Belgium Chocolate.

How did I come up with such a stellar business plan, you may ask.

Well, the idea came to me after I was unceremoniously dumped earlier this year by someone I kind of liked.

Okay, someone I really liked (highlighted by the fact I baked him a lot of brownies and we all know I bake when I’m really happy or when I’m flu-ridden and keen to spread my germs around).

Yes, at 32 years of age and after four months of dating, I was dumped. By text message. Which is—of course—my favourite part of the story.

I figure he chose a text because he probably didn’t have any post-it’s handy. And wanted to save on stamps.

I suppose it could have been worse; he could have done it in 140 characters on Twitter. Or posted a snappy little ‘I’m single and ready to mingle’ pic on Instagram, which is how we met (forget ‘I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours’, these days it’s more I’ll like yours, if you like mine’).

"All by myself ... don't want to be all by myselfffffff anymore."
“All by myself … don’t want to be all by myselfffffff anymore.”

After the initial shock wore off, the tears settled and I got over the desire to drown myself in a vat of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice-cream, I set about ridding myself of any feelings I had for him.

Through song.

That’s right; my advice to the brokenhearted is to sing it out, people.

There are hundreds of lists online for those with broken hearts who want to wallow in their sadness, stop showering and give Bridget Jones a run for her money, but that’s not the songs I’m talking about (as much as I not-so-secretly love Rick Astley, Foreigner, Air Supply and Adele).

Instead, I’m talking about ‘ass-kicking, bass-thumping, crank up the volume, I’m better without you because you hated sharing food and didn’t find me funny’ songs.

So I present, my guide to the BEST break up recovery songs:

  1. Ugly Heart by GRL
  2. F*ck You by Cee Lo Green
  3. Gives You Hell by All American Rejects
  4. Problem by Iggy
  5. Not Fair by Lily Allen
  6. I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
  7. Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
  8. Mr Brightside by The Killers
  9. So What by Pink
  10. Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong by Spin Doctors
  11. Here I Go Again by Whitesnake
  12. Walk of Shame by Pink
  13. I knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift

Play it loud and play it proud, because in the words of the break-up song master herself, Taylor Swift, “We are never, ever, ever getting back together. Like Ever.”.

And don’t worry if your singing sounds like a cat being strangled (I can thank another charming ex-boyfriend for that lovely description), it’s not X Factor, it’s therapy and I promise, it will help you feel a little bit better.

What’s your favourite break up recovery song? 

Car cam captured my passionate performance of GRL's Ugly Heart. Be thankful it's a still photo and not the video!
Mazda-cam captured my passionate performance of GRL’s Ugly Heart. Be thankful it’s a still photo and not the video!

This post was brought to you by Ben and Jerrys. Please support the brands that support this blog.

5 Comments

  1. Tim Orenbuch

    When I saw the list, I thought it might be only the recent break up songs…but then I saw “I will survive.”. IMHO, the best break-up song for men or women: Time for me to Fly by REO Speedwagon. I’m no big REO fan, believe me, but the lyrics are sooo great: You said we’d work it out / You said that you had no doubt / That deep down we were really in love / Oh, but I’m tired of holding on / To a feeling I know is gone / I do believe that I’ve had enough / I’ve had enough of the falseness / Of a worn out relation / Enough of the jealousy / And the in toleration / I make you laugh / And you make me cry / I believe it’s time for me to fly

    Like

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