I thought I should re-introduce myself following my unplanned hiatus over the summer.
No doubt you were hanging out for my next hilarious post, and I just left you hanging while I took off on an overseas holiday where I danced on bars, shopped up a storm and indulged in great food and champagne.
Is anyone buying that story? No? I didn’t think so.
In truth, I have just been a lazy sh*t with not much to say (or write) so I spent my days floating around the pool on a variety of food-shaped inflatables, reading book after book, snapping my daily outfits and arguing with people by text message, something I seem to have quite a talent for.
I also binged on burritos and Netflix. And, I’m talking some serious binge.
The people at Guzman y Gomez practically knew me by name and Netflix gave up asking me if I was still watching and just assumed that yes, I was still watching Gossip Girl.
Given my intense Netflix viewing, I shouldn’t have been shocked to discover I ran up the mother of all data bills, but I was.
I mean, holy sheeeeeeeet. I could be in a foreign country by now if I’d just skipped watching all six seasons of Gossip Girl within two weeks.
The good news is, my binge like behaviour made me the perfect person to write this cool guide to 8 TV Series to Smash This Summer for The Urban List Brisbane. I also put my karaoke skills to use at my friend Carly’s hen’s night and then shared my list of top karaoke bars in Brisbane.
What can I say? I’m a sharer. Unless we’re talking about food or fellas.
Speaking of which, while on my self-imposed hiatus, I also toyed with Tinder (god help me) until that got boring—surprisingly quickly—and I read this really creepy article about how like 750,000 people on Tinder have public lice.
According to the story, “The growing popularity of people waxing their nether regions was thought to have almost obliterated the condition but Dr Webb’s research disproved this theory.”
I don’t know who Dr Webb is, but his research both fascinates and terrifies me. Mostly the latter.
As if Tinder wasn’t bad enough, dishing up cheating ex-boyfriends, friends’ ex-fiancés (fiancés as in multiple) and douche bags whose profile photos (all five of them) were of him with his WIFE AND CHILDREN, now there’s lice to contend with as well?
That’s it, I’m tapping out. I don’t want to be anywhere near people who have creepy crawlies in their undies.
If I so much as see a guy try to readjust his junk at a bar, I’ll be heading home as fast as my high heels will allow, ideally passing through one of those hazmat decontamination booths on the way.
Anyway, I’m back and I’ve already got a few stories up my sleeve to share over the next few weeks (one featuring my favourite Royal family!) so thanks for sticking with me.
What did you get up to over the summer?