Willy or won’t he?

Hey fellas… I know I’m usually full of weird stories and useless bits of information that you couldn’t care less about but today I have a sound piece of advice for YOU from the single ladies of Brisbane and beyond.

Grab a pen because you’re going to want to write this down.

Zip. It.

I’m not talking about your mouth—although there are plenty of times when you could and should transfer this advice to that body part—I’m talking about your pants.

For those who’ve had the benefit of being loved up for more than the past five years, you’ve missed out on treacherous world of sexting as a single person.

Sexting is the act of “creating, sharing, sending or posting of sexually explicit messages or images via the Internet, mobile phones or other electronic devices by people, especially young people.”
—Parliament of Victoria, 2012—

I should start by saying that my advice does not apply to all men; because I know there are many who have made the wise decision to not partake in this behaviour… And I should also add that I know of at least one woman who has sext a photo of her nether regions to a date…So it’s not just the blokes to blame!

However, for those who are still contemplating whipping out their winkie for an impromptu photo session, hear me out.

Remember how much everyone laughed at the guy who streaked across the field during the last State of Origin? It was funny, right?

Well, that’s how women laugh at you when you send us a naked photo of your… ahhh… frank and beans.

In some cases, we may even show it to our friends and they will laugh too.

Do you see where I’m going with this? We’re laughing… but no one wants to date you.

I’m not even sure what the allure is for you when it comes to taking a photo of your naked bits.

Does it look bigger on camera? Is it an angles thing—like the way I hold my arm to make it look skinnier? And where do you do it? Are you bored of watching TV? Or stuck in traffic? In the bathroom at work?

“If she shares an image, she might be laughing with her friends—nude men are often seen as funny.”
—PhD Professor of Psychology Elizabeth Morgan—

Australians spent the past week talking about ‘Member’ for Redlands Peter Dowling—a married father-of-two—who reportedly sent his lover a photo of his own ‘member’ in a glass of red wine!

It’s funny in a ‘don’t ever invite me around for a drink’ kind of way, I guess. But to be honest I’m not much of a fan of red wine—with or without the swizzle stick.

Unfortunately, Dowling—and his fellow serial sexter in the US, Anthony Weiner (it’s just too hilarious not to mention)—aren’t alone.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of men of all ages partaking in this behaviour every week in Australia, much to the dismay of most recipients.

And then there’s the teenagers.

A national survey in 2010 revealed 59 per cent of teenagers have sent sexually suggestive emails or messages (Understanding Teenagers, 2010).

With a little cousin who is 13 years old, it worries me that in just a few short years the seedy world of sexting might unexpectedly land in her inbox.

What leaves me gobsmacked is the fact a lot of young women think swapping naked or near-naked photographs is ok; that its now a standard part of the dating game.

It’s not. It’s illegal if the participants under 16 (resulting in child pornography charges) and it’s likely to come back and haunt them for years or even decades to come.

The scariest part of all is that once that photo leaves your hands (no matter your age), you have no control over what happens with it.

With politicians and celebrities dropping their pants faster than a drunken sailor when Eagle Rock is played, it’s no surprise guys think its the fast way to get some action.

But guess what? Penis photos aren’t sexy; they’re about as appealing as receiving a photo of a hairless rat!

Especially if they come from someone you have had no sexual contact with and sometimes even if you have.

While it might be intended as a come-on, the fact is it’s a turn-off to most women.

Although I assume there must be a few women who say otherwise or surely we’d have knocked this sleazy by-product of the technological age on the head already.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bagging sexting as a whole; a few cheeky words can be fun but only when it’s between consenting—and interested—adults.

What I really want to know is what these guys imagine we think upon receiving pictures like these?

Do they think we’ll be in awe? Flushed with desire and unable to stop ourselves from gazing lovingly at the picture hoping that we’ll be lucky enough to get close to the creature—and it’s snap-happy owner?

Because that is not what happens.

In my experience, it usually prompts swearing and then maybe some laughter, but in most cases the offending photo and it’s sender’s contact details are quickly deleted.

It also makes me question what it is about me that makes the sender think it is okay to send me a photo like that?

Or to ask me to send one back to you (seriously, how deluded are you?!?).

And here’s the absolute kicker, fellas… in the majority of cases (ie. those involving normal, nice women with no self-worth issues), that picture is going to be the first and ONLY time we see your bits.

You’ll be kicked to the kerb faster that you can say ‘I’m sorry’.

Men say they never know what women want … we want to be wooed, romanced and made to feel a little bit special not like you’re already getting ready to scratch our name into your bedpost.

We like small gestures (and big ones too) from a lazy day spent together in the sunshine to letting us choose which DVD to watch on a night in.

Instead of whipping out your camera, think flowers or chocolates, text messages that ask how our day was and a sympathetic hug when we’re red-faced and puffy-eyed because we’re still upset that Patrick was killed on Offspring.

Sure, we also like that other side of you—the fun, naked, cheeky side; we know you’re going to wiggle your willy at us when you jump out of the shower or use it as a towel rack to make us laugh.

But save it for when you actually know the person intimately and they become your personal moments rather than a moment they would rather share with friends for a laugh.

Editor’s note for parents:
When it comes to talking about sexting with your kids, try these tips from the NSW Department of Education:
– Warn your children about the consequences of sexting.
– Remind children to think before they act.
– Tell children that sending or possessing child pornography is illegal.
– Warn them about sexual predators.
– Parents should learn about how to use and monitor their children’s mobile phones.
– Parents should check photo galleries on their children’s Facebook accounts.

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