It’s just a date


“The scary thing about dating is that you are either going to marry that person or break up.”

I stumbled across this heart-warming little sentiment earlier this year, and it put fear into my heart for two reasons.

Firstly, I’m not sure I’m ready for marriage and, secondly, no one likes being dumped.

If you’re anything like me—a realist rather than an optimist—you’ll agree that in most cases, its going to end with the latter.

But guess what, dating shouldn’t be a stressful experience and no one should be thinking that ‘big’ before a first date.

Instead, here’s a new way to think of it, and I’m borrowing this line from the straight-shooting duo Greg Berhrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt who wrote He’s Just Not That Into You … it’s just a f***ing date!

Just. A. Date.

“What? What do you mean? This could be my future husband/wife/life partner/baby daddy!” I can practically hear some of you scream as your biological clock ticks louder than the roar of a passing jet.

Yes, they very well could be, but I’m telling you now, if you go into a first, second or even sixth date thinking those thoughts, you are most likely guaranteeing that it will end in your tears.

Very few people—male or female—can deal with that kind of pressure.

Sure it can be fun to daydream and yes, it’s great to know from the outset what you would like from a relationship, but if you spend too much time thinking about the ‘could be, would be, should be’ rather than responding to what is actually going on, you’ll find yourself alone on the couch crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

And it shouldn’t be like that.

I know too many people—of both sexes—who are so focused on getting married and having a family that the moment someone asks them out they’re pinning wedding ideas on Pinterest, thinking about how they’d furnish their house together and daydreaming about walking their not-yet owned dog down the street while discussing holiday ideas.JustADate

It’s a recipe for disaster.

People need to stop thinking about the end game and just think of each date as a chance to get to know someone new and possibly—and I know this is shocking—have a bit of fun.

That being FUN not rum, which can also be popular on dates but with somewhat more disastrous consequences if I’m involved.

But whether you’re back in the game after a long absence or have been dating steadily for years, first dates are usually pretty nerve-wracking.

You’re putting yourself out there and hoping that the other person likes what they see/hear, but even if they call it off that first or second date, it’s not a reflection on you as a person.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not pretty/handsome enough, not tall/thin enough or not smart enough; it just means that they aren’t the one for you.

Or it could mean that you got so drunk that you fell off your chair and couldn’t string together a sentence, much less a meaningful conversation or perhaps you skipped entrée and went straight to sticking your foot into the crotch of your date (both of which happened to male mates of mine).

But don’t beat yourself up about it. Be disappointed, but be realistic—it was just a date.

For all you know they could have weird fetishes, an obsession for Power Rangers or Cabbage Patch Dolls or an over-bearing mother who still believes in attachment parenting their now 35-year-old child.

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  1. londongirlwithpearls

    Nice post! Though, and probably it is my over-rational/pragmatic/let’s not waste time side of me talking here, I disagree with this:
    “People need to stop thinking about the end game and just think of each date as a chance to get to know someone new and possibly—and I know this is shocking—have a bit of fun.”
    I think one needs to know why one is dating. If my end goal is ultimately to find a life partner, I approach every date as that, as a search for a life partner. Which means that I cut it off immediately even if the other person is great fun but I cannot see myself having his babies. It’s a bit harsh, I realize it, but ultimately it spares a lot of pain down the line in my opinion


    1. Blonde Ambition

      Thanks for your comment. I actually don’t disagree with you … I think that if there’s no spark/chemistry/desire to see them again than you should just cut it off sooner rather than later. That’s exactly what I did recently (more posts to come!).
      But I don’t think you should be thinking of them as your future spouse before you even had a date or two, with which I know some people do.


  2. girlseule

    Yeah I agree with this, I have been on heaps and heaps of first dates and the only thing I assume is that I am going to have a better time that sitting at home watching TV. I find most people are basically alright and even if there is no spark, it’s usually pleasant at least to share a meal and have a chat with someone different to your usual circle.


    1. Blonde Ambition

      I love it … I’m always at home on the couch so it’s been great to do this experience and get out there a bit more and meet some new people. Will I meet the love of my life? Who knows! But I’m pretty sure I’ll meet a couple of cool people along the way and maybe they’ll become great friends if nothing else.


  3. literarylydi

    When I was a dating newbie I would always make myself ridiculously nervous and I wouldn’t fully immerse myself in the experience because I’d constantly be wondering whether this was a guy who was going to be different from all the other “frogs”. Would he be my prince? Would he? Was there chemistry? But WAS THERE?

    In time I learnt that if I just enjoyed the experience as a night out with a potential FRIEND I put much less pressure on myself and could relax, showing my best side and going with the flow. Guys tend to love a relaxed gal who doesn’t put any pressure on them.

    Also don’t expect too much. Just see where things go and you never know where things will lead! Love can land in your lap (or be located!) when you least expect it.


    1. Blonde Ambition

      It is so easy to get caught up in that way of thinking! I also used to do it, but I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised what a ridiculous amount of pressure that is to put on someone … and yourself!
      I think in most cases if a woman met a guy who was that intense, they’d see it as a red flag and do the bolt!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Blonde Ambition

      I love your story! And totally laughed that he rocked up in a hoodie. It’s so hard to know how much effort to put in when dressing … you want to look like you made an effort, but not too much of an effort that it puts pressure on everyone! And great choice with the Peroni (I’m going to store that info away!) Congratulations on your almost second anniversary! x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. literarylydi

        Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it! Yeah I can’t believe it’s been two years. It sounds like he might be planning a surprise trip at the end of November and of course it’ll appear on my blog with photos! Will keep up to date with your goss too 😀


  4. Rachel_OurTownBNE

    This makes me realise how LONG it’s been since i was in the dating game! But I wish I go could back in time and grab my 20-year old self by the shoulder, look her in the eyes and say exactly those words… IT’S. JUST. A. DATE.
    Great post xx


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